Oblivion

Sullenly, I walked onto the snow filled night, I could feel the snow upon my naked feet. I looked up at the glowing moon to see is shining brightly over the earth’s frosty surface. Tears began to fall…but I didn’t notice, all I could…would allow myself to feel was the penetrating cold and my feet becoming numb as Fiona Apple’s song went through my head, “And it’s calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion…” Slowly, I began my walk, wearing only my nightgown and a blanket. I felt so empty, it wouldn’t matter if I died out in the freezing night air. Death would be better then remembering or thinking. All I could hear was the utter hurtful silence that seemed to penetrate my existence. Shivering, tears froze down my illuminated cheeks and I uncontrollably fell to my knees. Staring blankly at the moons eerie glow I could feel the snows wetness numbing my legs. My whole body screamed at me to get up and go back inside where it was safe and warm, but I dared not move, breathe or think. I quietly sang the words of the song again, “There’s too much going on, but it’s calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion, is that why they call me a sullen girl, they don’t know that I use to sail the tranquil sea, but he washed me ashore and took my pearl- and left and empty shell of me.” I lifted my hand to my face, covering my fresh tears, my sobs muffling my voice as I painfully persisted singing, “Oh your gaze is dangerous, and you fill your space so sweet, if I let you get too close you’ll set your spell on me. But, oh, it’s so evil my love, the way you’ve no reverence to my concern. So I’ll be sure to stay wary of you, love, to save the pain of once my pain and twice my burn…” Kneeling and getting light-headed I laid myself down upon the comfort of the frosty snow. It seemed I could no longer move, my body was weightless. I opened the warmth of deaths breath upon me and my body felt like it was being lifted higher and higher until darkness washed caressingly over me. ( Written 1996)